Alexis is Ms. Subliminal


Alexis and Sonny are sitting on her living room couch talking.

Sonny: Alexis, I am so glad I have you
Alexis: I am here if you need me (dishrag) Sonny
Sonny: I just worry about Carly
Alexis: I understand, Carly (guttersnipe psycho slut) can be a little unstable
Sonny: I knew you would understand
Alexis: Thats why I'm (sap) here
Sonny: Thats some achievement of hers, opening the club
Alexis: I know (with Jax's money)
Sonny: She's become a good businesswoman
Alexis: A regular role model (Yoko Ono)
Sonny: I know Jax is just using her to get to me
Alexis: You think? (Its the other way around if you ask me--sociopathic ho)
Sonny: I know I need to put some distance between us
Alexis: That's a good idea (buy a clue will you)
Sonny: I have to stop stepping in every time she's in trouble
Alexis: Old habits (Pavlov's dogs) are hard to break (I'd like to ram her scrawny little head through a wood chipper).
Sonny: You always know how I'm feeling
Alexis: Thats because we're good friends (I'd like to feel your shirt as I rip it off)
Sonny: You see me like no one else does
Alexis: And you me (I'd love to see your "little big man")
Sonny: How is Kristina?
Alexis: Kristina's (big mouth meddler) fine
Sonny: I don't see her around much anymore
Alexis: Oh I am sure she is out trying to do something (like my ex-fiance)
Sonny: Thats got to be weird, her dating Ned
Alexis: I can live with it (after I kill her)
Sonny: Isn't it awkward with Ned?
Alexis: No, not really. We're over. (especially when I remember how bad he was in bed--Kristina can have him--maybe she'll help him with his technique--gosh knows I don't want to do it anymore. Five years without an orgasm is a long time. blechh)
Sonny: Alexis?
Alexis: Huh?
Sonny: I said, I wish I could get my mind off Courtney and AJ
Alexis: Oh, give Courtney some time
Sonny: I'm not good at being patient
Alexis: Try doing something that keeps your mind off of it (like ravaging me stupid)
Sonny: Maybe you'll have to teach me
Alexis: (I've got lots I could teach you) Well, talking is a good way to pass the time (wall sex is better)
Sonny: Is it hot in here? Mind if I take off my jacket?
Alexis: Not at all (Why stop there? And is it ever getting hot in here!)
Sonny:(Unbuttoning his top button) oh thats better
Alexis: Thats good (I'd like to help you with the rest of your buttons, then your belt, then your pants zipper...)
Sonny: Now about you and me
Alexis: What about us? (I'd like you on top of me)
Sonny: Kristina tells me that you are afraid I'll hurt you
Alexis: Kristina (air head Stevie Knicks wanna be) also believes that crystals can heal (I hope they can't bring her back from the dead)
Sonny: She is a little out there
Alexis: Yes she is (hopefully all the way to Wyoming)
Sonny: She is like Carly
Alexis: (Why, because she's addle brained too?)Oh? How is that?
Sonny: She talks before she thinks
Alexis: (Does Carly think?) Thats an understatement
Sonny: I know its uncomfortable for you when I talk about Carly
Alexis: Not at all (I love thinking about that trailer trash, one digit I.Q., pie face slut)
Sonny: You know who Carly reminds me of?
Alexis: (Paula Jones?) Who?
Sonny: That chicken that runs around saying the sky is falling in.
Alexis: (Why insult chickens that way? Although I would love to see that two timing gold digger roasting on a stick over a raging fire) Chicken Little
Sonny: yeah--thats the one. I know I should get past this but the vows Carly and I took in Martinique still mean something to me.
Alexis: You wouldn't be you if they didn't (wish they meant something to her--Jax tells me she's been swapping spit with Zander--promiscuous little slut)
Sonny: You know, Carly is even interested in books now
Alexis: oh? (coloring books?)
Sonny: yeah--those self help books
Alexis: Reading can help you work through your problems (I don't think even the Library of Congress has enough books to help Carly. Besides, I doubt she can get past "See Spot. See Spot Run.")
Sonny: I'm sorry to keep unloading on you
Alexis: (I wish you'd unload IN me) Sonny, I just want whats best for you (Me! Me you moron! I'm whats best for you!)
Sonny: I will have to make it up to you as soon as this Courtney thing is straightened out.
Alexis: Its nothing really (Nothing that a romantic trip to Puerto Rico wouldn't cure. We'd tell NO ONE we were going--like chicken-headed ex-wives or toxic avengers. We'd drink rum all night, take the phone off the hook, throw away our cell phones and tear off each other's clothes. You'd explore my mouth (among other things) with your tongue. We'd have wall sex, door sex, floor sex, chair sex, stair sex, and shower sex. We'd use every position that's in the Kama Sutra. We would go all night long until dawn when you finally have me begging and screaming for mercy as you kiss me all over my body and...
Sonny (nudging her): Alexis! Alexis!
Alexis (somewhat dazed): What?
Sonny: You zoned out on me
Alexis: Did I? I'm sorry, I must have been day dreaming (X rated day dreaming!)
Sonny: Alexis You're flushed. And you're breathing heavy.
Alexis: I must be coming down with something (if only I could stop thinking about you going down...Alexis stop that)
Sonny: breath Alexis
Alexis: Ok
She pants.
Sonny brushes her cheek with his hand: You feel warm
Alexis: oh? (I know how to make it even hotter)
Sonny: I better stay at your place tonight. I don't want you all alone while you're sick.
Alexis: Thats really not necessary. I'm fine. Kristina should be back soon (with any luck not until Christmas).
Sonny: Or she might be staying at Ned's. No arguments. I'm staying here and thats final.
Alexis: I don't want you to go to any trouble
Sonny:(getting up and retrieving a blanket from the closet) Its no trouble. Let me tell Johnny to warm up some chicken soup I made thats in the refrigerator.

He opens the door and talks to Johnny. Then he sits back down next to Alexis and shakes out the blanket. He pulls her towards him and wraps the blanket around her. He puts his arms around her and leans her back to rest her head on his shoulder.

Sonny: There, does that feel better? He strokes her hair.
Alexis: You'll never know how much better.
She closes her eyes and smiles.

The end!