Step 1: You must have VERY VERY low expectations of life (you'd have to if your sole ambition is to become a VIP at SZ).

Step 2: You have no life so you have lots of disposable income!!!

Step 3: Go to ebay and purchase GH scripts pilfered by GH staffers. Post at SZ you have scoops and blab the contents of the script. Be vague as to how you know this. Imply you know an "insider" either at GH or the Soap mags. When the episode airs weeks later and the show in no way resembles the script you bought, cover by saying:

  • Mo" flubbed his lines.
  • JFP changed it on purpose just to get back at YOU.
  • MO SAID he wanted to do the scene AS WRITTEN in the script but that tptb are FORCING him to work with (insert name of current co-star who is not "Tams" here) and as a result he's going to walk soon. Say you are doing this for "MO"!! This is the best way to cover. Deflect and segue into an even more provocative issue (hereby directing the conversation away from your credibility and onto yet another spellbinding, unsubstantiated "inside scoop"). Later on when questioned about this, become defensive and have your minions harass anyone who dares to question the validity of your scoops for you so you can present yourself as the wounded and harassed victim. Claim because the script is different "Mo" is not putting his all into the scene. (again, deflecting is the best way).

Step four: Throw in some things that happen every week like:

  • Lois tells Stalkazar that he's a complex man
  • Stalkazar will say Corrrrrrinthos so we can tell he's Hispanic
  • Emily offers advice to a total stranger
  • Someone at GH gives out confidential information on a patient
  • Courtney runs to Jason for advice

    To make it look like your scoops are legitimate.

Step five:Drive all over town until you find that ONE drugstore that gets all the Soap Mags out a day early. Rush back home and post the spoilers in the magazine at SZ as "your inside info". Tell them you just met with your "top secret inside source". Always preface scoops with statements like: "I know for a FACT" or "Mo SAID". Later on when these scoops don't come to fruition say that Pruza is part of a vast right wing conspiracy out to get you. This accomplishes three things:

Step six: Cruise the Internet and collect GH scoops and spoilers from other web sites. Post these at SZ as your own. This is a symbiotic relationship as other scoopsters are also cruising the Internet doing the same thing. This will confuse everyone as to where exactly the "scoops" came from and from whom--thus making you look even more legitimate.

Step seven: When in doubt-- say "Mo" flubbed his lines.

Step eight: Use vague statements like "Some people have talked one on one with Mo" or "My sources tell me Mo is very unhappy with his story line and is not putting his all in his scenes with (insert characters name who is not Carly here.")This will make it look like "Mo" is your top secret inside source!!! Make outrageous claims like you and "Mo" work out at the same gym to bring home that point!

Step nine: To make it look like you are benevolent, feign concern for "Mo's" current leading lady (who is not Carly/"Tams") and say the story line demeans the character/actress.

Step ten: Create cute nic-names like "Mo" and "Tams"for your faves! This will imply an intimacy with the actor/actress that doesn't really exist!

Step eleven: You must have no conscience, that way you won't lose any sleep at night over the fact that by using "Mo" to make yourself look important and to further your CFF agenda you are making him look like the ego that ate Texas, and the Captain Queeg of soaps (none of which is true).

* WAV is John Lennon in a scene from the movie Help! saying, "of course, why didn't you think of that you twit?!"