The Joe Pesci Show with Special Guest
Jasper Jax, International man of mystery!
Good evening, I'm Joe Pesci and this is my co-host Robert DeNiro. Welcome to the Joe Pesci show!. Hey Bobby, you been doing any fishing this summer??
DeNiro: A little bit, A little bit.
Joe Pesci: I fish best when I use my gun. Bada-bing! You got dinner. You know how I beat the heat Bobbie?? Some cold Sangria and a bowl of spumoni.
DeNiro: Nothin better Joe.
Joe Pesci: I just saw that Planet of the Apes movie, why would anyone want to see a monkey movie instead of a good mobster movie?
DeNiro: FOGEDABOUDIT !
Joe Pesci: I'll just have to watch my Soprano tapes until Francis makes another movie. Today my guest is Jasper Jax, International Man of Mystery from Port Charles New York!
DeNiro: New York? Does he know the Gambinos or the Colombos???
Joe Pesci: Lets bring him out and ask. Ladies and Gentlemen, here is Jasper Jax, International Man of Mystery !
Jax enters and takes a seat next to Robert DeNiro.
Joe Pesci: Well Mr. Jax, you've got a very interesting title, can you tell us what you do??
Jax: well, I was a corporate raider, which was a good, honest profession, unlike that of my arch enemy-Sonny Corinthos, an evil, abusive mobster.
Joe Pesci: Corporate raider?? Isn't that when you buy out a company, dismantle it and put good honest Italian Americans out of work??
Jasper Jax: Its my living. Besides its legal!
Joe Pesci: Did you hear that Bobbie?? Its legal. Does this guy need a cement overcoat or what?
DeNiro: No argument there.
Joe Pesci: Well Mr. Jax, you said you were a corporate raider, now you are an ''International Man of Mystery''. What is that? You work for Uncle Sugar?
Jax: Who is Uncle Sugar?? I work for myself. Jasper Jax is the captain of his fate. I wear cat suits, fight evil by stealing necklaces for damsels in distress, hook up with young hot babes and wear a Cloony ''do''.
Joe Pesci--Oh you wear a cat suit? Sounds like you're some fugazi.
Jax: Whats a fugazi??
DeNiro and Pesci laugh.
Joe Pesci: tell us more about this Wiseguy, Sonny Corinthos.
Jax: well he's a mafia crime lord.
Joe Pesci: Oh a Capo de tutti capi.
DeNiro: FOGEDABOUDIT !
Jax: he is an evil mobster who hurt me Brender, I'll crush him.
Pesci: You're threatening a Goombah? And you wear a cat suit?
Jax: What’s a goombah?
DeNiro and Pesci shake their heads.
Pesci: Tell us more about this parakeet Brenda.
Jax: Don't insult me Brender. I'll crush you.
Pesci: Did you hear that Bobbie?? He'll crush us!
DeNiro laughs. Pesci takes out a baseball bat and whacks Jax.
Jax: Ouch!! I'll crush you!
Pesci hits him again.
Pesci: You have a an interesting accent Mr. Jax, where you from ?
Pesci: You think they got any Goombahs in Australia Bobbie?
DeNiro: Nah., just some kangaroos, dingos and koala bears.
Pesci: So tell us more about this Mr. Corinthos and this parakeet Brender.
Jax: Well, Brenda chose him over me and was going to marry him but he left her at the alter. I had to pick up the pieces and Brender and I fell madly in love. Then she drove off a cliff and died.
Pesci: OK--so this Brender chooses the Wise Guy Sonny Corinthos over you and you take her back??
Jax: I was her adult love.
Pesci and DeNiro laugh.
Pesci: You really have it in for this Corinthos guy. Why?
Jax: Every woman I know and care about gets taken in by him. Brender, Alexis, Angel. But I am Jasper Jax International Man of Mystery, a tall blond god. Corinthos is a short, evil mobster.
Pesci: They sound like smart broads. Hey Bobbie we should have this Corinthos guy on the show next week. You interested in this Corinthos guy?
DeNiro: a little bit, a little bit.
Jax: I'll crush you!
DeNiro sneaks up behind Jax and whacks him with a baseball bat.
Jax: Ouch!! Stop that!!
Pesci: So Mr. Jax, what kind of music do you like?
Jax: Brender and me loved listening to Michael Boltin and Kenny G.
Pesci: What?? No Chairman of the Board? No Tony Bennett? No Dino?
Jax: Who's the Chairman of the Board??
DeNiro: Get outta here!
He chases Jax around the stage with a baseball bat.
Pesci: Well we're out of time. Tune in next week when our guest will be Port Charles' Made man Mr. Sonny Corinthos.
Pesci grabs a baseball bat and joins DeNiro in whacking Jax and chasing him around the stage.