The Joe Pesci Show with Special Guest
Jasper Jax, International man of mystery!



Good evening, I'm Joe Pesci and this is my co-host Robert DeNiro. Welcome to the Joe Pesci show!. Hey Bobby, you been doing any fishing this summer??

DeNiro: A little bit, A little bit.

Joe Pesci: I fish best when I use my gun. Bada-bing! You got dinner. You know how I beat the heat Bobbie?? Some cold Sangria and a bowl of spumoni.

DeNiro: Nothin better Joe.

Joe Pesci: I just saw that Planet of the Apes movie, why would anyone want to see a monkey movie instead of a good mobster movie?

DeNiro: FOGEDABOUDIT !

Joe Pesci: I'll just have to watch my Soprano tapes until Francis makes another movie. Today my guest is Jasper Jax, International Man of Mystery from Port Charles New York!

DeNiro: New York? Does he know the Gambinos or the Colombos???

Joe Pesci: Lets bring him out and ask. Ladies and Gentlemen, here is Jasper Jax, International Man of Mystery !

Jax enters and takes a seat next to Robert DeNiro.

Joe Pesci: Well Mr. Jax, you've got a very interesting title, can you tell us what you do??

Jax: well, I was a corporate raider, which was a good, honest profession, unlike that of my arch enemy-Sonny Corinthos, an evil, abusive mobster.

Joe Pesci: Corporate raider?? Isn't that when you buy out a company, dismantle it and put good honest Italian Americans out of work??

Jasper Jax: Its my living. Besides its legal!

Joe Pesci: Did you hear that Bobbie?? Its legal. Does this guy need a cement overcoat or what?

DeNiro: No argument there.

Jax: Hey!!

Joe Pesci: Well Mr. Jax, you said you were a corporate raider, now you are an ''International Man of Mystery''. What is that? You work for Uncle Sugar?

Jax: Who is Uncle Sugar?? I work for myself. Jasper Jax is the captain of his fate. I wear cat suits, fight evil by stealing necklaces for damsels in distress, hook up with young hot babes and wear a Cloony ''do''.

Joe Pesci--Oh you wear a cat suit? Sounds like you're some fugazi.

Jax: Whats a fugazi??

DeNiro and Pesci laugh.

Joe Pesci: tell us more about this Wiseguy, Sonny Corinthos.

Jax: well he's a mafia crime lord.

Joe Pesci: Oh a Capo de tutti capi.

Jax: what???

DeNiro: FOGEDABOUDIT !

Jax: he is an evil mobster who hurt me Brender, I'll crush him.

Pesci: You're threatening a Goombah? And you wear a cat suit?

Jax: What’s a goombah?

DeNiro and Pesci shake their heads.

Pesci: Tell us more about this parakeet Brenda.

Jax: Don't insult me Brender. I'll crush you.

Pesci: Did you hear that Bobbie?? He'll crush us!

DeNiro laughs. Pesci takes out a baseball bat and whacks Jax.

Jax: Ouch!! I'll crush you!

Pesci hits him again.

Pesci: You have a an interesting accent Mr. Jax, where you from ?

Jax: Australia.

Pesci: You think they got any Goombahs in Australia Bobbie?

DeNiro: Nah., just some kangaroos, dingos and koala bears.

Pesci: So tell us more about this Mr. Corinthos and this parakeet Brender.

Jax: Well, Brenda chose him over me and was going to marry him but he left her at the alter. I had to pick up the pieces and Brender and I fell madly in love. Then she drove off a cliff and died.

Pesci: OK--so this Brender chooses the Wise Guy Sonny Corinthos over you and you take her back??

Jax: I was her adult love.

Pesci and DeNiro laugh.

Pesci: You really have it in for this Corinthos guy. Why?

Jax: Every woman I know and care about gets taken in by him. Brender, Alexis, Angel. But I am Jasper Jax International Man of Mystery, a tall blond god. Corinthos is a short, evil mobster.

Pesci: They sound like smart broads. Hey Bobbie we should have this Corinthos guy on the show next week. You interested in this Corinthos guy?

DeNiro: a little bit, a little bit.

Jax: I'll crush you!

DeNiro sneaks up behind Jax and whacks him with a baseball bat.

Jax: Ouch!! Stop that!!

Pesci: So Mr. Jax, what kind of music do you like?

Jax: Brender and me loved listening to Michael Boltin and Kenny G.

Pesci: What?? No Chairman of the Board? No Tony Bennett? No Dino?

Jax: Who's the Chairman of the Board??

DeNiro: Get outta here!

He chases Jax around the stage with a baseball bat.

Pesci: Well we're out of time. Tune in next week when our guest will be Port Charles' Made man Mr. Sonny Corinthos.

Pesci grabs a baseball bat and joins DeNiro in whacking Jax and chasing him around the stage.

The end.